A Week Later.....

Not even a week later have I failed.

I didnt last one day on really trying to work towards my goals, but I will start again.....



I need to continue to remind myself that my will is stronger than any physical limitation and that I can do ANYTHING that I put my mind to.

In starting over, I began reading a book by Jillian Michaels, "Winning by Losing".
In a section of the book, I am supposed to tackle negative self image and answer some questions....

Here goes:

1. Do you have negative self-image?
Honestly, yes. I have never been fit. Even when I played softball and worked out 6 days a week, I was trying to lose weight and have done nothing but gained weight over the years. In high school, there was something that was said to me that still plaques me. A guy said that I look like 'a fat white girl' infering that I am overweight and do not possess the curves of the "normal" black woman. When I see myself in the mirror, I dont see someone who is attractive. Unfortunately, I havent found one thing that I absolutely love about myself.....

2. Do you lack self-confidence?
I do not possess any self confidence. I used to be confident in some things but it seems over the past few months I have lost all of it. I lost my job recently and it has pu a huge damper on my confidence in general. Since this time (about 6 weeks), I have gained atleast 15lbs. I am sure my increase in alcohol, donuts and sedentary lifestyle has contributed to this rapid weight gain. My clothes all look funny and I am extremely uncomfortable in any clothing that I wear, especially on outings.....

3. Do you feel powerless?
I have learned a poem called invictus that should help me with this. "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul"  Despite this knowledge, I still feel that the state of my life at this present time is/was in the hands of others.....

4. Do you label yourself in negative or deprecating ways?
Yes, I typically beat people to the punch. I dont want anyone else to say it, so i get to it first. I say 'yeah i gained weight' before someone can say "have you gained weight".......

5. How is this negativity serving you?
I am not sure what the negativity is doing for me.... Defense mechanism? probably.... An opportunity to place the blame or make excuses..... probably


The Reversal Exercise? I will need some help from my friends on this one.